Soul Food, My Walk With God
If you have a minute, listen to this song.
I've been hurting something awful. Not physically, but emotionally.
I've been on the verge of making my blog private. I've been on the verge of ending friendships. I've been on the verge of really cutting people off.
Not because they are blad influences, but because I allowed someone to hurt me to my very core.
For a while I didn't think they did it ON purpose, but it was purposely done. If that makes ANY sense?
I cried for days and days and days.
I didn't want to be close to ANYONE anymore. AT ALL. PERIOD.
I have some plans coming up and I was ready to cancel them. Like, take a loss on the money paid, pay them back and just cancel. Seriously.
God let me know that isn't the thing to do.
He let me know I have to stop trying to "fix" it and just let Him handle it.
He let me know I had to stop trying to "do" it myself.
As the tears flow, I'm letting go. Taking my hands off the situation and moving on.
I'm not one that has ever battled with depression, but I do believe I was VERY close. I had NO peace, I had periods of happiness but NO joy. NONE. I pulled away from EVERYONE. No need to bring them down because I was in a funk.
I wasn't eating right, not sleeping well, trying to trust God but didn't know how.
Trying to take my hands off of it but not realizing how.
Not only was this bothering me emotionally, it was tearing me up spiritually. Now we have a spiritual battle on my hands. Not wanting to praise God, not wanting to worship Him, not wanting to talk to Him at all.
NOT GOOD.
I realize now HOW to let go.
I realize now it's NOT my battle to fight.
I realize I have to praise and worship Him PAST my feelings.
I realize that He can handle any situation better than I ever could.
He has shown me how to pray about it.
I don't have to say anything to anyone OTHER than Him.
This was EYE OPENING for me.
Eye opening and heart breaking.
BUT GOD.
When I finish this post, my hands will be off of it.
I'm going to continue to move past the hurt and the pain.
I'm going to move on realizing that you do indeed reap what you sow. It might not come back the exact way you put it out but it is coming back.
I don't know how long this will sit in my drafts, but when the time is right I'll post it.
I'll no longer allow hurt to keep me from being a blessing to someone else. THAT is a trick of the enemy.
I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!
Pam W/ 09.10.2011
Adrienne,
I truly am sorry you had to go through this but I know you know God never puts more on us than we can bear. I’ll be keeping you lifted up in prayer.
kita/ 09.10.2011
I am like that I don’t let many people get to close. The closer people are to you the more they have the power to hurt you.I have got to learn how to not let people ruin me. (still working on that) God is good though he will remove the people out of your life when the time is right and he moves them in a way that sometimes you don’t even realize when.
Carla/ 09.10.2011
Please don’t allow this person to take you away from your journey with God. Whether you know it or not you have been a blessing to me. These posts and my talks with you were so helpful at my lowest points.
I have learned that the closer you get to God the more the devils shows his face.
From my heart to yours, you are not perfect but you are GOD made.
Dana/ 09.10.2011
WOW, Adrienne, this post brought me to tears, because I have felt this same exact way, but just imagine it not being a FRIEND, but family! I almost had a nervous breakdown over the crap, but I learned to let go! I think with me, i am so loving and trusting, and let the WRONG people in, and then when I get hurt I build walls AND SHUT THE WRONG PEOPLE OUT! But, I am gonna give it to God, he can work it out better than I can!
I love you genuinely! Like a sister, and we got to remember everyone doesn’t always have our best interest at heart!
toy/ 09.10.2011
I’ve been here countless times girl, just keep the faith. everything happens for a reason even failed relationships
Dez/ 09.10.2011
Adrienne, just want to let you know, a lot of us out in cyberspace really appreciate your blog journey. Thanks for keeping it real! God Bless you and your family.
Barbara.shepard45@gmail.com/ 09.10.2011
I read your blog earlier and had to go back to think and reflect. It hit me this came at the right time I was loosing faith and I decided to listen to the word online and think about what you said , between both It has helped me to not give up on my faith. We are all tested in life and what pulls us back to God comes from unexpected places sometimes thanks for the post !!!!
Nicky/ 09.10.2011
Had to come out of lurking to say God bless you and I know that He is able to move you past the hurt you feel. Even at this time, He’s using your testimony in this situation to bless, encourage and remind your readers (lurkers like me and the regulars) that HE is indeed able to guide and deliver us from anyone and any situation that negatively impacts us.
You are in my prayers.
Dawn/ 10.10.2011
God bless you and thank you once again for sharing. The closer you get to God the more trials and test will come your way. He has already supplied you with all you need to get thru anything thing that may come your way. We just need to be determine to praise Him thru it! You really have no idea how much these post of yours help me in my walk with God. Thanks again.
NC Peach/ 10.10.2011
I hate that you are going through this, Adrienne, but I agree with the others who mentioned that the closer you get to God, the enemy works harder to discourage you–Joyce Meyer calls it “a new level, different devil.” However, reading your words made me stop and pull out my Bible and turn to Psalms 37:1-9. Basically, it tells us not to worry or get discouraged when ppl do us wrong. They don’t prosper from doing others like that…I know its easier said than done, but praise God anyway! He woke you up this morning, that’s a reason to praise Him…clothed in your right mind–Praise Him! Given you 3 beautiful children…don’t get me started, lol. Just count your blessings, fret not, and know that God is watching over you,dear bloggie mentor…”He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday!” Take care, and I’ll be praying for you! =D
Karen/ 10.10.2011
Adrienne,
You’re such a sweet person, and I want you to know that I’m thinking about you and wishing you the very best.
shai/ 10.10.2011
I needed to read this. I am going through alot right now. I will pray then worry, then overthink and say I let go only to get caught up again in the vicious cycle. Thanks for sharing. I plan to cut, paste and print this as a reminder. This post has been very helpful for me.
Nikita/ 10.10.2011
Amen. I pray/stand in agreement with you. Keep holding on. I am striving to do the same things you are discussing here – trust God more and let him deal with things – easy to say hard to actually do. I pray peace for you – be at peace!
TJ/ 10.10.2011
I’m glad that you’re pressing through, but sorry you had to have the experience.
Monique/ 11.10.2011
No words. Just hugs. (((hugs))
Barrie/ 13.10.2011
I am sorry this happened and I am glad you have put your troubles with He who can work it out… You keep me going sometimes when my steps are weary. Stay in the Lord
Blessings to you!
Ty/ 19.10.2011
I was in a funk today because I just found out that someone I care about has been deceiving me for a long time. Didn’t want to think it was on purpose either but I know it was. I came to your blog because I knew you would have some inspiring words. I have good intuition but don’t always listen but thankfully God always reveals the truth before it turns into a complete disaster. I won’t be down on myself for trusting and loving and I won’t let the actions of another cause me to be bitter. As always, thank you for sharing.
Tany/ 05.11.2011
I think I understand what you went through, I’ve been there (more than once). Letting go is the only option… Keep God in your heart and keep away from bad thoughts and influences.
Keep strong.